Tuesday, December 13, 2005

We're Singin' In The Tiki Room / He Ain't Pro

Saturday night, I remember calling G a muffinhead. I do remember that. Also, bumming smokes off a stranger. Also, grabbing my boss' boss' boss and whispering in his ear for five minutes. Also, the shut-up game, where anyone who said anything to me received a "shut-up". Poor anyone. Also, I have this habit, on certain occasions, of grabbing the random people within arms' length and addressing not unkind comments toward them. Also, rye, gin, scotch, red wine, white wine, and something the girl called a mystery shot. I turned around in the car on the way home and saw K and S and GH crammed into the back. How did they get there? The next day was very unpleasant. My longsuffering girlfriend got me to work. I was fifty minutes late for my shift, with about fifty heaving reasons for being so. I found out (today) that there's video evidence of the frolic and speech impediments of the night in question. To all the people who helped me find my inner child, thank-you. I hope to one day witness the same in you. You know, I'm on the invite for an unofficial work party at my other work-place and I'm a bit hesitant about going. Actually, I'm very hesitant.

"The Tiki Tiki Tiki Room" + Hilary Duff I know, I know, I CANNOT BELIEVE I am posting this song. The humanity! BUT—this song is good. And I refuse to allow my own perverse snobbery to get in the way of me listening to good music. And this IS good music. By the way, in the Dad, There's A Little Phrase Called Too Much Information (thank-you, Out Hud) spirit of things, my brother loves loves loves Hilary Duff's "Come Clean / Let The Rain Fall Down". And I used to mock him for his fierce love. And now he can mock me back, if he so wishes. Because I love this Tiki song. I love the chaga-chaga chant, I love how you can practically hear fake bamboo shoots gleaming brightly, the generic wind-up bird-cheeps, the jazz-hands echo to the chorused "Tiki room!", the rattling percussion, the way the audience is addressed throughout the song, the inane rhymes, everything! Please download it. You'll love it, so wonderful.

The Chronicles Of Narnia : The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe Film today. No books for you! Well, there was the usual side-effect to watching this movie. I was so glad I was not there. Imagine facing down a twelve-foot tall two-sworded cavalry officer. I couldn't take a centaur if a Aslan himself was behind me. Or fight against a minotaur whose face is bigger than my entire body? Those horns aren't for me. Unlike this reviewer, I thought the CGI was top-notch, not the equal of LOTR, maybe, but still, top-of-the-pops-notch. On the way out of the theatre, I heard this one guy (clutching his wizard's staff) blare out, "That wasn't nearly as good as Lord Of The Rings." Come on, buddy. I understand they're both fantasies, but neither of them are Krull, either. All three movies are about a bunch of in-over-their-heads characters journeying toward some big-bang conflict that will forever change the universe. LOTR and Narnia are opposite side of the same coin. LOTR is the gothic face-melting humanist side, Narnia is the brightly-coloured religion side. Neither Peter Jackson nor Adam (Shrek this!) Andrewson can help that you like The Cure better than The Go! Team. You probably would have taken the blue pill, right? And the reason you like all the dark shadows so much is that that's the only time you can see your replica orc-sword actually glow. In LOTR, a bunch of humans and elves and those little guys band together. They're going to save the world by destroying the one ring, right? Their salvation lies within if they will only make the effort and work together. In Narnia, a bunch of humans and some beavers band together. They're going to save another human, because that other human has gone and done some foolishness and is suffering for it. In Narnia, rescue comes from outside the group. Like religion, but more feline. In LOTR, rescue comes from within the band. It's like the UN, but with magic! Whatever way you look at it, this movie is a good movie. It's full of bright colours, brave actions, and traitorous deeds shown as, well, not worth the candy. It's like Robin Hood. Evil gets defeated, the poor people get to be kings, and everyone lives happily ever after. And Robin Hood is an enormous lion who doesn't steal, only gives. It's a lion, folks! A lion!

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